I had the pleasure of witnessing the one and only, Dita Von Teese at a super-exclusive club showcase on Saturday night. Tickets weren’t even open to the public! You had to either win then in a contest or spend $300 at the club before the event. Luckily, my bestie is the editor of a local newspaper and is on first-name-basis with the club’s PR so she scored us some tickets! (image)
I had never You-tubed any of Dita’s burlesque performances before, so I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect: Would she dance? Would she lip-sync like drag queens do? And most importantly, would she bring her giant martini glass with her?
Actually, I had never seen a single burlesque performance before, ever. I mean sure I watched ‘Burlesque’ starring Christina and Cher, but Hollywood seldom represents anything accurately right?!
Anyway, when the scarlet curtains finally opened, it revealed the famous martini glass standing tall in the middle of the stage with Dita posing next to it, shimmering and splendid in all her glittery glory! Seriously, she had more bling on her than any of the dancers at the Moulin Rouge did!
The thing that struck me immediately was her extremely feminine demeanor. She moves with the same languid grace that she exudes in all her photos and videos, truly as if she’s from the old-Hollywood era of glamour. Even the way she smiles coyly has something uniquely old-fashioned about it.
There’s nothing hard-edged about her at all, something that’s long been lost in our modern pop culture where female sexuality is portrayed as practically aggressive. (Lady Gaga, I’m talking to you! Oh, and you too, Rihanna..)
And that body! She’s famous for corset-training her waist, which is also a completely antiquated practice. And her legendarily tiny waist was the part of her that I was most looking forward to seeing in person. Never mind her amazing ta-tas.. which look really natural though she’s very open about having gotten them done. (which endears her to me tremendously!) But who cares whether or not they’re real when she can shake them wickedly and still looking classy?!
So back to her waist. It’s this teeny, tiny thing that tapers off into a sensuously curved and tiny soft belly. No washboard abs in sight. Then those hips, and that ass, and those legs! All encased in the creamiest, milkiest, lily-white skin in the world. That woman’s proportions are a marvel all on its own. Barbie has got nothing on Dita!
The event was called ‘Be Cointreauversial’ since she’s the spokesmodel for Cointreau and the good people from the alcohol brand are the ones who brought her down. She’d already performed a full revue at the swanky Marina Bay Sands casino theatre the previous night to an ever more exclusive guest-list, so the club showcase was just a taster of what we’d missed. But at least it was her highlight act.
For just about twenty minutes she strutted her stuff, prancing around the stage in all her coy splendour and slowly removing item by item of clothing.
Some lucky members of the audience caught her stockings as she skillfully pulled them off and tossed them into the crowd.
I remember once reading an interview of hers when she said that true burlesque is about stripping down to pasties and a thong, which she absolutely did in the most tasteful yet teasing manner.
The crowd went bananas when she finally shimmied into her martini glass. I was slightly worried about her safety when the thing started rocking back and forth while she balanced precariously over the water swinging her hips in the air. But she is a true professional after all, and slid back in with perfect ease.
I was also surprised at how much she splashed the audience! The front row surely got almost as wet as she did! Well, if she’s getting all naked and wet in an air-conditioned club, it’s only fair that her voyeurs get doused with cold water too. Actually, I wonder if it was warm? Cos if I had to get in a tub on stage, I’d insist that the water at least be a hot as possible while I’m in it…
Unfortunately, security wasn’t very nice about taking pictures and my iPhone couldn’t capture much at all.
But here’s a video of her legendary martini glass routine:
I’m really happy that I’ve finally seen a proper live burlesque performance, and it was the Dita Von Teese!!!