Happy birthday to me!
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with my birthday. It makes me miss being able to say that I’m a year younger than my current new age. Cos in my head I just turned 18 again, but my ID says I’m 32!
On the plus side, it’s nothing short of fabulous to wake up to my phone saying that I have 145 email notifications from friends and family wishing me happy birthday on Facebook!
But back to being 32..
They say with age comes understanding. Well, if there’s anything I understand about myself it’s that I need to listen to my inner voice. Because a lot of the time, I forget to really tune in and listen to my Self and what She wants. So since it’s our birthday today, I shall give my Self a present and declare some birthday resolutions. (I know it sounds like I have split personality disorder, but… at least both of us don’t talk at the same time, heheh)
So these are the promises I’m making to myself this year that I intend to keep:
1) I will not eat if I’m not hungry.
Often, I succumb to ‘mealtime pressure’ when I’m with other people (especially my meal-obsessed husband). Then I find myself staring at a plate of food that I bought on autopilot, realizing at that very moment that my body doesn’t remotely feel like eating. But I eat it anyway, and usually manage to finish most of it. It’s a terrible habit, because it stresses out my digestive system and leaves me feeling bloated, unable to process all that unnecessary food, and very frustrated.
2) I will write every night before I go to bed.
Some people need to talk, some need to paint, cook, or listen to music to feel connected to themselves. I need to articulate my thoughts and process my feelings by writing them out. If I don’t for too long, I start to feel lost and disconnected. I need introspection the way other people need to eat: Too little, and I have trouble functioning well.
3) In connection to 2), I will observe silence to hear my inner voice.
This means I’ll need to remind my husband (aka the voracious consumer of skate videos and sit com episodes he’s seen a million times already) to use his headphones with his Mac when we’re chilling in bed. Everytime that he uses it.
4) I will take time to de-clutter.
Whether its my underwear drawer, the kitchen, the mail folder, or that spot in my wardrobe where I like to dump random junk, getting rid of clutter is the other thing besides writing that I find hugely therapeutic. I think I’ll start a Sunday ritual actually…
5) I will only focus on what makes me happy!
Reading all about the latest world tragedy or hearing the latest gossip about what messed-up things people have been doing recently is pointless. Actually, it’s downright harmful when you think about the negativity that later gets bounced around in your mental space while you seethe about how much injustice / stupidity / arrogance / immaturity abounds. Think about how much more negativity those thoughts are attracting! Eeks!
So from now on I consciously choose to only talk about, write about, think about, and give my mental energy, to things that make me happy and bring joy to the world. All angsty-ness and complaints will be limited to 5 minutes before either being replaced by gratitude or being ignored! Seriously, who has time! 🙂
On a side note… a quick birthday story:
When I was a kid, every year I hoped that it would be the year my parents planned the huge surprise birthday party. You know, like in the movies with the streamers and balloons and all your friends crouched behind the sofa until the moment you walk in to the room complaining about why you have to be home on your birthday and then everyone jumps up and screams “Happy Birthdayyyyyyy!!!!”
Nope, never happened. At least not when I was a kid.
But I finally got my surprise party on my 30th, a birthday that I’d been dreading for months. (actually, years)
Determined not to let ‘the big 3-0’ get significant, I tried to ignore it altogether. Then at the last minute I had a change of heart and texted some girl friends for dinner but no one was free on a Wednesday night on short notice.
Fine, hubby and I would just eat out by ourselves.
But in the train he tells me he’s feeling nauseas and needs to go home or throw up.
Uh, okay then.
Then I’m sitting in the living room by myself while said husband is lying down in the bedroom when suddenly two of my ‘busy’ friends show up at the door.
And then it dawns on me that I’ve been had! All my girlfriends proceed to come round and laugh at me while we drink champagne and eat copious amounts of different cakes.
And suddenly, 30 isn’t so bad anymore 🙂
Judging by how it’s been going since then, I’d say 32 is going to be great too!
Here’s to getting older and wiser, and friendship and love… Cheers!